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My thighs were first.
Then my wrists.
And shoulders.
And fingers.
And feet.

Everything.
Ripped out at
the seams.

I ripped them out myself,
if only to avoid
giving others the pleasure.

I ripped them out hard,
if only to teach myself
a lesson:
I deserved it.

I ripped them out
and all the while
I sang to myself,
unable to cry
or scream
for fear
that
it would
make the
pain less real.

I joked about them.
I laughed about them.
I smiled about them,
calling myself
"the stupid emo kid"
and believing it was true.

It was true.
To me.

I deserved it.
I needed it.
I craved it.
I wanted it.
I breathed it.
I worshipped it.
I loved it.

And it took me.

The cutting,
it took me.
Into places you can't go without it.
Into places you didn't know existed.
Into places you are afraid to dream.
Into places you never want to leave.

I loved myself. (I hated myself.)

It was so
p
  e
    r
      f
    e
  c
t
to be broken.

Healing hurt more than wounding.
It still hurts more.
And yet you
ask me...
why?

I will never have an answer.
Wrote this upon reading: [link]

Let me know what you think... I don't mean to be mean. It's my opinion. And it's =XPaintTheStarsX's opinion. I don't want to cause conflict or attack anyone's work. The deviation just made emotions swell in me. It was wierd and I had to write them out. And I figured it'd be good to let you know where they came from.

You are all entitled to your own opinions, as I am to mine. DO NOT flame or use words like "stupid" and "attention-seeking." I respect that you may think those things, but I am not willing to see them every time I look at a piece that is so personal to myself and others.

EDIT:
I appreciate the support guys, truly. And if you can relate, or if this has helped you at all, I am glad that something spoke to you. I know how hard it is. Keep fighting.

EDIT #2:
Today is April 15th, 2013. It's been quite some time since I wrote this poem, but I still feel it has relevance to my life and my battles. In the 8th grade, 2007, I started cutting. I'm now closing out my first year of college, and though I had vowed not to carry this habit/addiction/whatever you want to call it into my "adult" life, I do still grapple with self-injury.
In case anyone is curious, as of the 5th, I have gone five months without turning to cutting. I can't consider myself "better" yet; I don't know that I'll ever make such a claim. I've found ways to slowly reach out to trustworthy friends for help, I've found new outlets, and I've found reasons to turn away from old habits. If you want/need to talk to someone who has really been there, comment here or note me. It may take awhile to get a response, but it will happen.
Keep breathing. :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcut-throat-the-wolf:
Cut-Throat-The-Wolf Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015  Professional Digital Artist
you said they make fun of your body
humiliation in your eyes when you told me
well i'm going to find them don't you worry
and i'll make sure they're really fucking sorry

you said you're embarrassed of your body
you told me you think you're really ugly
well my love, i know you don't see
what i see

anything that is beautiful
people want to break
and you are beautiful
i'm afraid

you said you're ashamed of your body
you'd rather die than show
but i would love you in any form you'd take

you said that they say you're disgusting
that they told you you were fat and unworthy
well my love i hope you trust me
when i say you have a perfect body
Reply
:iconeternities22:
Eternities22 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Self-harm is apparently on the rise.

All because of poems like this, which encourage cutting.

Two words. FUCK. YOU.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So is suicide. Because of ignorant people who use the internet to spread their anger and hatred for those who desperately need support.

How about asking what you can do to help those who suffer with mental illness and self injury rather than tearing them down further?

Don't claim to be concerned about an issue if you're searching for reasons to make life worse for the people who struggle with it.
Reply
:iconbeautifuldepression:
beautifuldepression Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013
this, there are no words for this.
it's when someone takes the words in perfect detail from your lips, the words you've been searching for and coming up empty.
I loved this.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconboo2197:
Boo2197 Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
iv gone thru this for years.. i let people get to me so bad that i would just slash an slash at my arm.. not even paying attention where i was cutting. I wouldnt feel pain. Only releif.. But im slowely getting over it.. This shit is relatable..
Reply
:iconnico-di-angelo-fan:
Nico-Di-Angelo-fan Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Even though I don't really know you, i am still proud of you for turning your back to cutting. I understand that everyone has their own opinions, and if in anyway, this is offending to you, I apologize, feel free to hide this comment, but I'm just here to say, "Stay strong and keep fighting, no matter what people say, it's your life. Live the way you want, it's yours to live, not theirs. You. Are. *BEAUTIFUL*
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That is what everyone, everywhere needs to hear. Thank you, kind stranger, for being lovely :hug:
Reply
:iconnico-di-angelo-fan:
Nico-Di-Angelo-fan Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"After a hurricane, comes a rainbow" - Katie Perry

Your Welcome, Live your life to the fullest.
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"Dumb" is not a word I'm comfortable with. Your opinion is your own, but I do not want it associated with such an emotionally-charged piece.
You'll understand why I'm hiding it.
Reply
:icontheawesomehotdog:
TheAwesomeHotDog Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:facepalm:
Reply
:iconobsoleteslur:
ObsoleteSlur Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is exactly how I feel versed perfectly I can't
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad it was relatable :heart: Remember to breathe, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Reply
:iconabryan16:
abryan16 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013
Wow nice poem can relare to alot of it
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm glad I could capture it. :heart: I hope your journey takes a happy turn :]
Reply
:iconfirestar951:
firestar951 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Its a beautiful poem and it speaks nothing but the truth. I full related to it because I used to do things such as this and I recently had a relapse.. Is an on going fight and struggle
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! I hope you can keep your head up--it gets better.
Reply
:iconfirestar951:
firestar951 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
Yeah, it does get better. I know that for sure it just has yet to happen, though things have improved! Thanks :)
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist
It's truely amazing and completely scary how good it can feel so hurt so badly. I haven't cut in a very long time but I'm still addicted. I was addicted to cutting. I get numb and my wrists start to tingle when I read poetry or see art for cutting. I'm so afraid sometimes I'll get back in the habit. This poem is beautiful. Thank you for writing it. Keep strong.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ain't that the truth? And right back at you. Breathe :heart:
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist
:heart:
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am a hippocrite.
I used to tell my friend, "Don't cut yourself" "Don't burn yourself" And now look where I am.
The night I started cutting was the day my best freind stopped. I am bullied constantly every day. I want to kill myself.
During my shower I look over on the shelf.
There, sitting there, seemingly calling, "K-chan! K-chan!" ((K-chan is what I call myself so ppl don't know my real name)) Is my razor. It was an orange Noxzema rasor.
I ripped the blade across my wrist, just barely missing a vein. Let me tell you.
It was like a drug.
I still cut today. I always wear jackets to hide the bandages and scars on my wrists, no matter how hot it is outside. I'm afraid to tell my parents for the fear that they wo't love me anymore.
I'm bipolar.
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist
I understand how you feel. When someone you know stops cutting and you continue too. I haven't cut in about a year maybe, but it's still like a drug. I don't know you but I worry for you. I know too many people who have cut or still do. I'm sorry your fears are great but no matter what you do your parents will always love you. You are their child. their baby. Recently a girl I knew killed herself because she got in a fight with her mother. It was tragic and I think that they will never heal. For the safety of yourself and for your parents at least talk to someone you trust. <3 You are a beautiful person no matter what. Scars and all. You are beautiful.
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. And I would like to congradulate you. And here's the good thing: I haven't cut in about two months.
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist
That's a very good thing. <3 I'm very happy for you!
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<33 Thanks.
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist
no problem <3
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^^
Reply
:iconkate220:
Kate220 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist
.w.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My parents didn't handle it well either--I have a tattoo on my ribs they'll never know about that I got to help me through my cutting issues. It's been two months today since the last time I did.

The hardest thing to hear is "stay strong," mostly because it's the easiest advice to give. Thing is, it's the only thing we can say, because the healing has to come from within.

I believe in you, not knowing you. I believe you can make it.
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I have almost no one who believes in me. most people don't know about my problem, these sccars are a curse. and yet the worst thing is, when people find out, You are forever deemed as 'Emo' or a 'Cutter', therefore that is the worst scar you can receive. And what people who call you that don't know is, that one scar will bring on many, many more.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very, very true. But there are people who see it differently. They're few and far between, but they're present.
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know. It just seems as if they aren't there when you desprately need sympathy...... But I thank you for your kindness.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Of course :]
Reply
:iconilovepercy122:
ilovepercy122 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:meow:
Reply
:iconnattereri:
Nattereri Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
I have only cut twice. But the first time I did, I was hooked. I see a councilor now and she knows and then she made me tell my parents and so then they know and then I had to stop. It's been two months. I still have the scars and I love the scars. I loved them when they were fresh and wet and I would kiss them. The sharp of the blade didn't hurt. My mother doesn't understand that. She asks me, "why did you hurt yourself?" and I would just say "I don't know" instead of yelling "I didn't hurt myself". What she doesn't know is that it felt good. I still feel he need to cut and I'm almost ready to give in again. But this time, not on my wrist where it can be seen, but somewhere else. Somewhere quiet, private, unseen. Because it takes me somewhere else and it makes me someone else and it is THAT that I love.
Reply
:iconbeastlylion:
Beastlylion Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you, i really love this :)
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. Except mostly thank you for relating to it :]
Reply
:iconstars-like-the-moon:
stars-like-the-moon Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012
amazing, simply amazing
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner May 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :]
Reply
:iconthezeroalchemist:
TheZeroAlchemist Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate almost perfectly... i want to do it so bad right now, i crave it, but no one is here to tell me no, well no one that could actually get me to listen..
Reply
:iconspeckledheart:
SpeckledHeart Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Student Writer
This is amazing. You captured everything so well. Great work!
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconstarsinthenightsky79:
starsinthenightsky79 Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really quite amazing. It captures everything perfectly. AWESOME job.
Reply
:iconfizzleout:
fizzleout Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very, very much :hug:
Reply
:icona-northern-lad:
a-northern-lad Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It feels like this is about me. This is awesome.
Reply
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