literature

Depersonalize

Deviation Actions

Published: Jun 24, 2011

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Literature Text

^{depersonalize (transitive verb)
de•per•son•al•ize

1. make something impersonal
to take away or omit the qualities from something that make a person feel welcome or important

2. alienate somebody
to make somebody lose his or her sense of personal identity and external reality

I didn't think about it quite as much as I do now.
I didn't think hardly at all,
and I must admit it's sort-of all-consuming these days.
Well,
(she muttered, more as an afterthought than anything)
it's sort-of all-consuming when
I hear your name when
I curl up in that bed when
I listen to people who talk about God.

Funny
how I cared so much back then,
how you treated me like an object
and I knew it would happen,
funny
how I wanted to die when you told me to lie,
how you acted it all out and I played along
and I knew it all along,
knew I would be your toy until I broke
or until
you lost interest and found something
with more lights and
fewer sounds.

And how I don't care now,
how I don't miss you and
I don't cry about it
and how I don't regret it,
how I don't worry and
I never loved you.

Funny
how I was so full of life,
so full of my thoughts and feelings and dreams
and so fucking
funny
how I was none of those things
because you didn't need my life like I needed yours.

You needed
-big tits
-blonde hair
-blue eyes
-pale skin
and I needed you to
-teach me
-ruin me
-beat me
-break me
because I hurt so deep I couldn't pull it out anymore.

You didn't need my
-problems
-pain
-addictions
-questions
and you turned me into a
-model
-placebo
-china doll
-pain killer
because you hurt so deep you thought you'd cure it with some girl's body.

Never was sex just an act until
OUR SEX.
Never were hearts like wrecking balls until you
BROKE ME INTO PIECES.

And sometimes I think about it,
dwell on it.
Sometimes,
I am consumed by it.

How funny it is
that you depersonalized love
and I let you,
I begged you,
because it was all I wanted, too.}