fizzleout

Exquisite the open of it when without much gone. Make it in the other. Kiss but the kaleidoscope, because in the way, in the way wrapped, fingers because you. Your. That if without, there use. Your if, is, your because something for it, like that but still, but still wrapped, sorry, sorry, because and plans, sorry—

 I’d like to tell you that my life was a flash of popularity, social skill and general well-being. But I’d be a liar if I did. It’s been my curse to drift pathetically around the world, abused by my father and abandoned by my mother, inept in all fields but one: being invisible. I’ve always had a knack for disappearing when it suits me, so one soft summer evening, I made the change permanent. You would think that someone with as little existence as me wouldn’t care to exit life with much flair, but suicide appears to be the one thing I can be dramatic about. I took it right out of Harold and Maude: driving my car of

     I stood behind the stands, quivering slightly in the mid-autumn, early-night chill. The framework of them looked to me like the cold metal bones of some massive prehistoric creature, looming out of the pitted ground and rising into the air. People of all ages froliced about, the vast majority of them highschoolers like me. They stood in groups of five or ten, laughing, screaming, making out, completely usual.     There was only one thing unusual about tonight: we were actually winning the game. Not only that, we were crushing our opponents.     Highschool is full of surprises.

“You are the brightest star, And I’m in love with who you are.” -Between the Trees “White Lines and Red Lights” Maybe it’s exactly like I said: some things, like high school, never change. But some things do. Scars heal over. People die. We fall in love, we get hurt, we move on. Maybe randomness should be encouraged more than politeness. Maybe we should just go ahead and say ‘fuck it all, let’s go to a concert’  instead of showing up for that big important court date tomorrow. Maybe we need to be spontaneous instead of justified, right? But then again, what would the world, what would my

I'd rather just be alone right now, alone in my thoughts and my fingers, clicking away at the keys before me. They know how to make beautiful things. They know how to touch you, too. And I once thought that was beautiful. My solitude is a choice, similar to my anger. The sadness is not a choice, it is a state of being you created. But in it I can see that, through the solitude and anger, perhaps I can make my fingers forget. Once they forget, maybe I can forget you, too. If forgetting is what I want, like how solitude is what I want. I want to remember without pain, to be alone and yet able to be in company, to feel

Chapter 41: Eloise Ending (Reprise) "Falling asleep, asleep at the wheel As I approach that cliff I'm starting to feel If you could wake me up with only your touch, I could die with you: Life would be enough." -Say Anything "Cemetery" I've realized that being in the action is much, much more satisfying than watching from afar. No matter how beautiful and peaceful death is rumored to be, it's numb and boring ninety- nine percent of the time. It's the end of Senior year for everyone besides me and Josh and the two kids he shot. The graduation ceremony will be held tomorrow, and it looks like it'll be a crystal clear May Thursday. Perf

D I know she knows how to sleep around I know you know how to walk away I know she's so broken that she can't even see her splinters I know you like to think that you have all the answers Em G D Oh just a little breath before you plunge again D Kaleidoscopes perfect changing swirling colors "She's impossible to read," you say. I've been one of them, bookish girls sitting in corners Better if you just walk away. Em G D A Oh take a deep breath before you take the bullets I'm not sure your armor will hold Oh back when we believed in peaceful coexistence You would have been beautiful Em G D A OH OH OH Pops pills like memories f