literature

Cutting

Deviation Actions

Published: Apr 1, 2009

5.4K Views

Literature Text

^{My thighs were first.
Then my wrists.
And shoulders.
And fingers.
And feet.

Everything.
Ripped out at
the seams.

I ripped them out myself,
if only to avoid
giving others the pleasure.

I ripped them out hard,
if only to teach myself
a lesson:
I deserved it.

I ripped them out
and all the while
I sang to myself,
unable to cry
or scream
for fear
that
it would
make the
pain less real.

I joked about them.
I laughed about them.
I smiled about them,
calling myself
"the stupid emo kid"
and believing it was true.

It was true.
To me.

I deserved it.
I needed it.
I craved it.
I wanted it.
I breathed it.
I worshipped it.
I loved it.

And it took me.

The cutting,
it took me.
Into places you can't go without it.
Into places you didn't know existed.
Into places you are afraid to dream.
Into places you never want to leave.

I loved myself. (I hated myself.)

It was so
p
  e
    r
      f
    e
  c
t
to be broken.

Healing hurt more than wounding.
It still hurts more.
And yet you
ask me...
why?

I will never have an answer.}

^{Wrote this upon reading: [link]

Let me know what you think... I don't mean to be mean. It's my opinion. And it's =XPaintTheStarsX's opinion. I don't want to cause conflict or attack anyone's work. The deviation just made emotions swell in me. It was wierd and I had to write them out. And I figured it'd be good to let you know where they came from.

You are all entitled to your own opinions, as I am to mine. DO NOT flame or use words like "stupid" and "attention-seeking." I respect that you may think those things, but I am not willing to see them every time I look at a piece that is so personal to myself and others.

EDIT:
I appreciate the support guys, truly. And if you can relate, or if this has helped you at all, I am glad that something spoke to you. I know how hard it is. Keep fighting.

EDIT #2:
Today is April 15th, 2013. It's been quite some time since I wrote this poem, but I still feel it has relevance to my life and my battles. In the 8th grade, 2007, I started cutting. I'm now closing out my first year of college, and though I had vowed not to carry this habit/addiction/whatever you want to call it into my "adult" life, I do still grapple with self-injury.
In case anyone is curious, as of the 5th, I have gone five months without turning to cutting. I can't consider myself "better" yet; I don't know that I'll ever make such a claim. I've found ways to slowly reach out to trustworthy friends for help, I've found new outlets, and I've found reasons to turn away from old habits. If you want/need to talk to someone who has really been there, comment here or note me. It may take awhile to get a response, but it will happen.
Keep breathing.}